I am laughing so hard right now, friends. It appears that those out in cyber space think that Xanax may be something I should consider. Strongly. (tee hee, I can’t stop laughing).
If you are reading this post and you take Xanax, please do not be offended. I think there is a time and a place for certain medications, and in no way am I trying to make fun of any and everyone who may need such things at this time in their life. This chick has been there – been through chemical depression and anxiety – and she undertstands that God gave us doctors and medications for a reason.
The things I write about and share on this blog are not usually those kinds of things: the kind that one might need Xanax for in order to get through their particular struggle. They are the groanings of my own heart….the celebrations of my soul and my love for Jesus in the midst of the crazy and the messy stuff we contend with day to day that tries to drag us down.
These aren’t things that any medication can take the edge off of – at all. These are spiritual things, friends.
Several of my very close friends I have met through blogging have the same approach to their writing. We write what God places in our hearts and share it – in raw form – with others here. We write as we would speak it to you. We write it the way God lays it on our heart. Even if it comes across as imperfect. (We are flawed, after all).
This is what we are feeling led by Jesus to do. This is not what every writer is led to do with their gift, and that’s okay. But for me, this is where He has me – sharing it all, the good, the bad, and the edgy and the ugly – of what it means to be a true follower after Christ in an imperfect and fallen world.
- What it means to realize (daily) that we are His children, and that He loves us just as we are.
- What it means to realize our need for our Savior because sin and iniquity is becoming easier to see, but harder to deal with when we fall back into self-sufficiency type behaviors.
- What it means to keep watching for the enemy and looking to Jesus as we move through this life we have been given.
So, back to the Xanax and the part of it in relation to myself that has me laughing right now………
I rarely check my stats on my blog – this includes the “spam” comments that come through. But today, I checked them out as I was replying to some of your beautiful comments and saw that there were 52 things in the spam folder.
Guess what? About 40 of them were ads for Xanax!
I know this is because when I tag these blog posts, I often choose to tag them under encouragement, inspiration, parenthood, fitness (cause runners need encouragement too) AND under things such as grief, depression, stress, anxiety. (P.S. I’ve never once tagged any one of them under “medication”.)
I do this because out of all the tags in the world, I want to be sure that anyone who searches anything under “grief” – who may be feeling alone, lost, or in an otherwise dark place, might see what the Lord has laid on my heart to share. Maybe they won’t feel as alone as they did earlier that day. Maybe Jesus will reach out to them through me as He does to me through others so very often.
Most of all: I hope others who come across these matters of the heart will see and think upon Jesus and simultaneously realize they are NOT CRAZY.
Correction: They are not crazy in Jesus’ eyes – but they may be crazy according to what the world thinks.
Ok……so….not crazy ALONE.
Tee Hee. Hence, the Xanax ads.
Guess the world thinks I am crazy – how about you? Have you checked your spam folder lately? What is in there that might help to confirm for you that the world thinks you might need a little help right about now?
And this world is fading away, along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever. 1 John 2:17
- I don’t need Xanax for the struggles I have with self and the flesh…
- I don’t need Xanax for the fact that I find myself being selfish the more I try to follow after Jesus and love others the way that He loved us first.
- I don’t need Xanax to help me realize the world wants to hear about puppy dogs and sand in your toes, bouquets of flowers and balloons and the smell of a freshly bathed toddler.
I need Jesus – and the world thinks otherwise. The world is “concerned” for our well-being, friends, if we are not happy, happy, happy all the time!
The world thinks that Xanax may help my state of mind so that my writings would be more airy, fun, feel-good and light. Is the world concerned for me? I tend to wonder just who it really is that needs for Annie to take the Xanax…ha ha.
There’s a time and a place for fun – I’m all over it when God leads me in that direction. You’ve seen it here in many of the things that I’ve shared. But, I didn’t have Xanax then, and I don’t need it now.
Not for this, my friends.
I am not sad. I am finding beauty in the turmoil that is caused by living for Jesus while simultaneously trying to walk in this world. It is such a twisted and hard thing to walk through – it does make me anxious at times, I admit. Sometimes I get really frustrated too. Sad, even. Bummed out, I guess you could say.
But guess what that does for me? Guess what that does in regard to my relationship with Jesus Christ?
- It makes me never forget to remember my need to turn to HIM.
I think that is what it is all about. I think that it’s important that I be here right now.
Sometimes, when I think about the few thorns in my side I am “suffering” with, I almost don’t know whether to ask the Lord to remove them, or just allow them to stay and help me meet Him where I am at and live with them. He’s been showing me a lot through this stuff that I am contending with – I am learning more and more about Him each and every day. I don’t know if I would be able to say that if life was just a bed of pretty little roses.
I enjoy it when things are going well – just as much as the next guy. But if I am really honest with you, I would say that those times are only “good” because it feels good and I have less difficulty to contend with. They “cut me a break” for a while, and that is good. Our Father knows just when it’s time for us to have that particular blessing come about.
But if it lasts too long, I find myself leaning in less to Jesus. I find myself focusing upon sensation and perfect circumstances more than digging in to the mud and getting my hands a little dirty. My Father knows this too, and He blesses me by disciplining me, or using hard times to draw me closer to Him. It’s the blessing in the seemingly ugly stuff that really makes you know that “what you are made of” is not enough.
Only God is enough.
Toes in the sand? Good stuff. Covered in muck and mud? Also good. Just not in the same way. Not in the feel-good way.
If you are struggling and need to take medicine right now and feel the Lord has led you to do so, please do it – please know I support you, care for you, and would love to pray for you if you wish to send me a message. I get it – not your individual and personal story – but I do get it when chemical imbalances take hold. Trust me.
But if you, like me, know you don’t need medicine for what currently seems to ail you, please look upon the attempts of this world to soothe you for what they really are.
- They do not know what they do…..
- They are just trying to “help”…
- They want to try to fix you or help you fix yourself…
- Some of it really may be coming from what they think is a pure motivation.
Friends, oh friends. The world thinks we are supposed to strive for happiness. The world thinks we are supposed to achieve balance. The world thinks that we deserve better, should take care of ourselves first and foremost, and be a positive (feel-good) person to be around.
The world thinks….”this is IT. You only get one life. Better make the best of it NOW.”
I always say this…..”It’s hip to be mellow.” The closest this chick ever got to mellow, was when she was smoking pot and dumbing down every negative or uncomfortable feeling she ever had by pouring alcohol down her throat. And even then, it was fleeting, it was fake, and it didn’t work, friends.
Dudes: None of that is going to fix us. It’s all a lie.
Pot and alcohol may be legal here in Colorado and in other places- legal in the eyes of this world – but it ain’t where I am headed. Not even close.
- No, I will take what the world may call angst and live with it – raw.
- I will take the frustration and the stress and press into Jesus – daily.
- I will live in this momentary shell of discomfort with the blessed hope that it causes me to reach out for over any amount of happpy feel-good stuff this world has to offer.
- And I will celebrate the seasons of lightness and good feelings when they come.
Truth is, the best of this world is nothing compared to what is to come. And these struggles we go through that are just a part of being a follower after Christ who is not yet home, help us to endure what we need to until such day that we leave this temporary life and begin to really live!
Xanax? Ain’t got nothing on Jesus.
Enjoy you sharing your heart. God bless you.
Awe…thank you Sister. Sometimes our heart holds pretty things inside and we must share them with others – at other times, it’s all about getting the gunk out and letting God work through that gunk (potter and the clay) isn’t it? Either way, if we are here to love one another in Christ, we should be vulnerable with each other. I think C.S. Lewis said there is no love without vulnerability. Thank you for being such a dear Sister and encouragement in my life!
I would like to start my post by saying your words have brought me inner peace and calm throughout. Or maybe that was the Xanax. No way to be certain. I am sure that there are roots of immense wisdom in your words, inspiring me to live a more mentally and spiritually healthy life. Guilt and worry plague me with discontent feelings. Happiness in life is not achieved through chemical relief, I believe love of self and others is the key. Thank you, thank god, and thank mankind for being here for me.