As I write this I am battling brain fog. Again. Anybody out there in the same boat?
Brain Fog wants to Joy Rob me. And it is working mighty hard at it! Funny how it goes into overdrive for things such as that, yet to even add up a few numbers on a calculator a few moments ago, I thought it was going to either explode or implode.
Nothing happened like that though. I guess it couldn’t make up its mind. Such a silly little brain.
See, about five or six years ago I started to have all kinds of funny things begin to happen to me (physically, mentally, just weird stuff). None of it made any sense. Granted, there were lots of stressful situations happening in my life all at once, but something just didn’t really add up, even with that being considered.
Then, about a year ago, the symptoms became really, really weird. I mentioned it to my doctors, but to no avail. Finally, what we thought was a heart attack drove me into the doctor’s office for an EKG and all that good stuff. Guess what?
The doctor was out.
So, I met with a nurse practitioner to get my test results.
She was so intelligent. I just have to put a quick plug in for those nurse practitioners! In all honesty, I have learned more, felt more cared about, and a multitude of other positive things I could list off right now, from nurses than all of the doctors I have seen combined. I am thankful for all of our doctors out there, but I am really, really thankful for those nurse practitioners!
So, back to the story: Know what she said?
“I know what is wrong. And you aren’t going to believe it because I realize you are only 45 years old. But, this all started about five years ago, right? Well, I hate to break it to you, but you are in perimenopause. The good news is that I can tell you about some things you can do to help a little. The not-so-good news is this can last about 8-10 years. My personal opinion, is that you are on the tippy top of the bell curve of it all right about now. And soon, your blood work will prove it. Then, you will have more options.”
Of course, at the time, my blood showed no signs of it (menopause). So, of course, the doctors I had been meeting with thought I was crazy. Well, maybe they didn’t think that, but they dismissed me, at the very least, which made me feel like they thought that.
Side Note: Menopause does make you think you are crazy at times. The worst part of it for me has definitely been this brain fog. It makes me want to cry just to type about it (ahhh, the hormones of it all)! In fact, the only time I don’t experience it is when I am writing or when I am totally immersed with tasks at work. Thank God for that!
But anything I have to do outside of that? It can happen at any given moment, man. One second I am completely articulate and focused. The next? I don’t even have the words to explain it. You’d have to experience it. Then you’d know.
Yet another thing, friends, that has been used to help me to surrender control. And as much as it stinks that my brain needs more down time than it used to, it does serve to remind me about daily surrender. That’s a good thing.
Brain fog from menopause makes it abundantly clear that One needs her Savior for just about everything. For that, I can be grateful.
Yet in this moment, even though I believe that, realize that, and am even grateful for it all, I feel conflicted a little. My flesh wants to fight. And I think God understands, although I know that He will probably also continue to use this to teach me to look at the up side of it all rather than dwelling on the down side. And we need that sometimes, don’t we? The downer stuff helps us to remember to look up.
Every woman goes through this, but I think each of us feels somewhat alone in it all the same……even with the help and support of so many others. And I think that must have something to do with that surrender stuff. I really, really do. Surrender, although a struggle for so many of us, is just a very personal thing that varies from individual to individual.
And then there are those, men and women alike, who are suffering from far worse things that cause brain fog amongst a multitude of other issues that attempt to rob them of their joy in Jesus. We must always ask the Lord to remind us that joy isn’t necessarily always “happiness.” Just like the peace of God, which surpasses our human understanding, is not necessarily going to cause us to “feel” great all the time either.
Right before I wrote this today, I was thinking about what I was feeling led to share, and I decided, as God has me do sometimes, that I should look at some photos. Usually, I do this the other way around. I write what is on my heart, and then the Lord just helps me to find the photos desired to emphasize the story. But today, it was different.
Actually, I had been strongly considering not writing about this. Because it is coming from the heart of someone who is feeling a bit bummed about it all today.
See, I felt validated when I got the call from the doctor today and was told that my blood test results from my physical last week showed it now….
“Those FSH levels are really, really high, and we need to meet to discuss some options and suggestions I have for you.”
I felt good and validated momentarily because now, finally, I have PROOF that I am not crazy (??????), or am I? Ha Ha. Ever felt that way and then turned right around to laugh out loud at yourself? If not, take heart: you aren’t in the crazy club yet. (Enjoy it while it lasts)
But then it sunk in, and I felt doooowwwwwnnnnn.
Hormone replacement therapy? Really? Are we even serious right now that we have yet another thing to have to research and think about and pray about and discuss and decide? Where’s the limit, man? Arrrggghhh!
And then I remembered: God knows the limit and God controls it if we have surrendered.
When I thought I was about to lose my sanity last Fall, the Lord taught me such a wonderful lesson – several, actually. He taught me that He will never leave me, no matter how dark it gets. He taught me that only He fully understands it all, and that He is all I really and truly need. He taught me too, that I owe Him everything – my life, my family, my job, my next breath, my…..(are you kidding, God?) get this: my sanity! He showed me that if I would just give up and ride it out with Him, He would eventually release me from the darkness that my crazy hormones were enveloping me in. And He did….in His timing, He did.
Yes, even our minds are all His. Even the ability to function at all. To walk, or not to walk. To breathe or not to breathe. To cry, laugh, work, rest, think, or not to think.
ALL of it’s His.
It’s not mine. Not this body. Not this brain. Not any part of me is my own.
And although I don’t like that feeling at times, I sure am glad it is the Lord who is in charge, not me. Especially, now that I am “menopausal.” (Snicker and Smile) 🙂
So, I was going to put up this photo today and write a post about how hard I am going to fight against it…………
And maybe God will lead me to write a post like that soon. There are times that He inspires me to power up and try to motivate and influence others to do the same.
But for today, it is not about that.
I do plan (as I feel Him nudging me to do this) to pump it up more, brothers and sisters – take the fitness thing back to a really high, versus only moderate, level. Same thing with the eating plan, the yoga, the breathing exercises….all the stuff I scaled back on these last few months and took down to the “average” or “moderate” level. God gave me a reprieve so I could focus on other things, and I am grateful for that too. But now, that time is coming to an end as I hear Him saying so. And I embrace that!
So today, because I feel myself slipping into the pity party of that conflicting feeling that’s going on right about now, it’s about who is truly in charge.
Got a news flash for the menopause and the brain fog………….
He won’t be defeated.
So, instead, let’s think about this photo instead today, shall we?
And if we are followers after Christ, He lives in us, and that means we shall not be defeated either. Not in all that has eternal implications, nor in the infirmities and trials, big or small, that we are afflicted with until such day we receive our glorified bodies.
If something is ailing you, spiritually, physically, emotionally, or in any other way, remember that, friends. Remember who is in charge. Remember who has the power. And if we love Him with all our hearts, minds, souls, and even those frail or weak little bodies (or minds) that we live in, we have a divine advocate on our side who is THE winner and master over it all. Jesus Christ – Savior and Lord over all.
And with His children…..He shares those winnings. No joy robbing here!
We shall reign with Him….forever.
And that, even in the face of brain fog, is abundantly and crystal clear.
Peace and Joy, Friends. Eternally ours.
The Lord shall fight for you, and ye shall hold your peace. Exodus 14:14