All the times that I not only didn’t appreciate my parents, but I treated them with disrespect, disdain, detachment.
All the times that I went against what I knew to be GOOD, true, lovely, noble, GOOD…. and did the opposite of it all ~
On purpose. 😦
- The giving away of my one true love, my Jesus.
- The substitutes that I tried to allow to take His place.
- The tossing aside of Him – the One, the ONLY One who matters most.
Yes ~ those things.
Those mean, dark and ugly things that lurk in the corners of my memory banks. The ones that try to “come alive” again and threaten to steal peace.
You see, I was dead once.
I was a part of the ever-so-popular group of the walking dead. I kind of even knew it as it was happening too. But I didn’t know how to get out of the quicksand.
But now?
I am ALIVE.
When you were dead in your sins and in the un-circumcision of your flesh, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins. Colossians 2:13
All the things that happened, to me and because of me – the ones that aren’t pretty; the ones that are hurtful; they didn’t make me who I am today.
They don’t define me.
I am not a “better person” for having experienced those things. I am not better for having perpetrated those things.
I learned who I do not want to be from what HE did to bring me out of it all!
I don’t have those ugly experiences to thank for it.
I have HIM.
- The premarital sex ~ it didn’t develop my character.
- The dabbling in drugs ~ they didn’t broaden my thinking, or make me wiser.
- The drinking for all those years ~ it didn’t make me stronger.
- The aimless wandering, the not knowing who to fit in with and who to live for…none of it gave me purpose.
But God.
I am a new creation in Christ. And if anything, it is what God does even through the ugly that makes the old die, and the new come alive.
He brought me back from the dead.
Yes ~ He makes ALL things new!
Therefore if any man [be] in Christ, [he is] a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17
My memory is failing me in some ways with my chronic illness. But in the most ironic way, at times, it seems sharp in regard to the dark things of the past. The dark cloud under which I took my self-seeking shelter is almost palpable when I recall it.
And I’m working on that.
- I’m working on forgetting the old.
- I’m working on reveling in the new.
- I’m working on being present in the beautiful moment of today.
- I’m working on the true kind of shelter.
The one in which I get to step out, hand in hand with Jesus, and look to the skies whilst seeking His face and bask in the fact that….
HE IS ALIVE!!!!
And because of Him….
So am I.
There will be rough terrain to conquer. There will be dry times in which my lips are parched and I am not sure when I shall reach a place of reprieve. But I will walk this with THE Savior of the world right there with me. He may even have to carry me sometimes.
He will make a way and keep me whole.
No. Matter. What.
This I know.
Do you know it, friend? Do you know that you are no longer dead if you are living in Christ Jesus? Do you know it? You CAN look ahead, even when it looks bleak outside. You will not die, but have eternal life. You will never be alone – even now, while you navigate that which seems desolate or dark. In this, each day is made NEW.
In Jesus, we are truly ALIVE.
Remember ye not the former things, neither consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing; now it shall spring forth; shall ye not know it? I will even make a way in the wilderness, and rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:18-19
Eyes Wide Open 