A couple of months ago I hit a new low in regard to my health. It reached a place where I could not continue on the way things were and I had to go out on leave from work for about six or seven weeks. So these last weeks have been spent in rest and recuperation, nesting around my home, and moving through the days one at a time.
Blessings have come, yet my health is still a thorn in my side, friends. Yes, I am better in some ways, but the monster is always there ~ simply looming and waiting, teeth exposed and jaws flapping, eyes squinting and piercing and ugly mouth salivating ~ just always right there and waiting to chomp.
But Jesus is here too, and although the monster tries to give me a run for my money, it is simply no match for my Savior.
I am His.
Yet still today…………
- Today I return to work, to a new and better work situation which is a blessing (a miracle, actually) yet I find myself in a strange place.
- Today I am finding myself anxious when I know that I shouldn’t be.
- Today I am wishing I could continue on the way I have been these past six weeks or so.
- Today I am finding myself feeling discontent even before anything has changed or happened.
- Today I am fearful and feeling guilty because that must mean I am not trusting in Him.
- Today I am looking at what might be yanked away from me instead of seeing the blessing that the Lord has provided to make dealing with the ugly a little bit less ~ ugly.
- Today I am already feeling guilty that I have all of these feelings.
What will this new season in life regarding my new work situation really mean for me and my family? Will I be able to do a good job without compromising my health? Can I let go of the expectations I have always had of myself to perform to the utmost of my ability and just simply do a GOOD job? Is that enough?
What if it doesn’t work out? What then?
I am His.
In so many ways I am a glass half full girl, while in others I am quite the opposite. I wish I could just pick one and be it, but that’s not the way it works for me. When I am the half empty kinda gal, I know I am simply trying to be honest and practical and realistic, yet I feel guilty for being less than positive about things. When I’m in half full mode, I feel great about looking at things as positively as possible, yet worry I am placing too much faith and hope in whether things turn out good or not.
It’s not about that and I know it.
It’s about trusting in Him no matter what things come, how things work out or don’t work out, and knowing without question that no matter what, He never changes.
Neither does this:
I am His.
So today I do not find myself looking at the glass one way or another. I find myself looking past the glass and unto Jesus, friends. I am reaching for His hand and trusting Him to pave the way for me. I am believing that He already has this covered and will reveal to me all that He has for us. I am hoping in Him and that He will help me to keep what truly matters at the top of my priority list.
That’s the part that is far more than half full. My cup runneth over.
I am His.
Do you know that you are His no matter what happens to you? In the face of the unknown or difficulty or trials, do you know that Jesus never changes and is always by your side? Can you bring yourself to His feet and turn that thing over to Him even before you have your emotions straightened out? That’s the way it’s supposed to be anyway, friends ~ we can come to Him just as we are. It’s always been that way and remains that way ~
Yet still today.
LORD, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. Psalm 23:5