Sometimes I get discouraged.
- I get discouraged trying to make peace.
- I get discouraged as I try to encourage others when there is brutal opposition to such things growing day-by-day, minute-by-minute.
- I get discouraged as I try to love others, when what they actually want is not real love.
Yea. Sometimes I get discouraged.
Tonight as I ponder and pray over the most recent discouraging and blue mood that I am now in, I ask….”what discourages me the most about this, Lord? Will You help me and dig down into my heart and my mind? May I have the answer, please?”
- It’s not the expectation of getting a specific result.
- It’s not the need to be recognized for being some great cheerleader and lover of people.
- It’s not even the desire to see people actually CRAVE and WANT to be lifted up in fellowship with one another and draw closer to Jesus ~ the One, True King!
It’s not those things that got to me today. It’s my heart. (I know, I know….big surprise).
My heart is just not as it should be. “Will it ever be, Lord”? Will I ever feel better about the state of my heart toward others when they are rude, mean, or even malicious when I try to do nothing but encourage them? Will it ever stop being distorted from something selfless into a selfish focus upon myself?”
I must admit – God has helped me learn to dust off my feet a lot more than I used to be able to ~ it’s just that every once in a while, I don’t think I quite dust them all the way off. I get tricked into thinking that I did, but in reality, I let it build up down there.
It gets muddy. It gets heavier and heavier to pick up my feet and put one foot in front of the other. That’s when I know I am carrying the dirt around with me. That’s when I know that I haven’t turned it all over to Him.
Isn’t it funny (sad and twisted, actually) that just when I have figured out my boots are dirty, that’s the very time that someone is standing there – right around the corner – waiting and needing a person to come along and encourage them? (I strongly dislike the enemy, don’t you?)
Ug. So yes, friends. Yes, I am venting tonight about my discouragement. Please don’t feel that I am trying to be some martyr asking for your pity! I am just sharing my heart when I know that it needs help from the Lord. I want for you to see that I do not have it all together, because that is the truth!
I am crying right now because I feel down. But I know the truth – these are just my feelings. This will strengthen my faith as I move from this blog post to the Word of the Lord and time in His presence and prayer.
I will cry out to Jesus tonight, friends.
- I will cry out and tell Him the truth about my discouragement and moody blues.
- I will cry out and tell Him I feel sorry for myself. That what started out as me feeling sorry for others has turned to sinful self-pity.
- I will cry out – I will tell the truth about the boots that I have been walking in and that I forgot to ask Him to carry me when it got heavy.
- I will ask Him for forgiveness. I will ask Him to purify my heart. I will ask Him to clear my mind and make my feelings go to the place that they should be.
- Most of all, I will ask for Him to reveal to me where I went wrong – when did I start trying to encourage in my own strength? That’s where it went awry, I just know it!
I may stay in the place of feeling discouraged for a while – this I know. But it won’t be done alone.
This tear ~ the one coming out of my eye and streaming down my face right now ~ it’s a good thing. It’s the thing that reminded me I need to seek Jesus and His comfort in a different way tonight.
Sometimes I get discouraged. I get discouraged that I wasn’t able to encourage others and love others today as I wanted, or as they seemed to “need” for me to do it.
But take heart.
If you, dear friend, like me are discouraged….take heart!
And I will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them. I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground. These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them. Isaiah 42:16
When the righteous cry for help, the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the Lord delivers him out of them all. Psalm 34:17-19
And that is what making peace really is ~
- It is found in crying out.
- It is found in the presence of our Savior.
- It is not found in being the best at dusting off our feet, sifting all of our feelings, compartmentalizing all our thoughts.
It is found only in HIM ~ because He loves us. Because He sacrificed it all for us.
So thank you discouragement. Thank you for reminding me.