And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be with you forever. John 14:16
It was last Wednesday night. It wasn’t the first time this has happened to me, but it still takes me by surprise when it does. It’s happened three other times in my life, but never to the point that I actually fainted – lost consciousness. I went down.
Yes, I went down, friends. ALL the way down. And in that down, I was truly lifted up. I was kept, comforted, and helped.
But, being a human, made of flesh, I was terrified at first. As it was happening, I felt panicked. I felt and thought to myself “am I going to die this time ~ is this it? Is this the end of the road?”
And then the Helper came.
I was watching a tutorial about skin care, as I am about to start helping one of my children to clear up their acne and I have much to learn about proper facial and hygiene techniques. I admit, I was getting a little bit grossed out by what I was seeing on the video. I took my night time pills and vitamins. Usually, I then have about 20 minutes before the melatonin-type substance my doctor give me kicks in and I can go to sleep.
Suddenly, I felt overwhelming waves of nausea. My extremeties went numb, my head started spinning, and my breathing became extremely shallow. I stood up. “Must get to the bathroom down the hall and get to my phone.” Everyone else had already gone to bed.
I tend not to be ready for bed until about 11 pm. The rest of my family turns in a bit earlier than that. So I was alone. Or so I thought.
Suddenly, as I am moving toward the hall, everything zeroes in and goes black. I wake up because I hear “CRUNCH”. I am on the floor in the dark hallway. No phone. No nothing.
I don’t know if the crunch was my chin or the ice that had fallen out of my water bottle I was carrying and now was laying on top of. But the Helper came. The Helper woke me up and then He stayed with me the whole time!
It’s beautiful and awesome the way the Helper works things out for us. He knew that I would respond to coaching. At first, I thought “I coached myself through this.” Then, I realized that it wasn’t me at all.
“You just fainted….you are okay. Just lay here. Do not move yet. It’s okay. You will be able to call for help soon if you need to. But right now we just need to stay right here.”
Fear. Panic. But a very strong logical presence and voice of reason telling me to LISTEN.
I stayed put. I stayed face down on the ice cubes. Funny how they had all fallen to be right beneath me. They soothed me. I didn’t care about my compulsive need to have everything neat. It did try to capture me for a moment, but then the voice told me that I should leave them there, not worry about them, and let them help me. The ice did help me. The Helper told me that it would.
“You need to start taking deep breaths. Your body has not got enough oxygen flowing through it. There…see? The tingling and numbness is gone now. Stay on the ice. Keep breathing deep, but don’t move yet. You can crawl to the kitchen and get your phone in a minute. You aren’t going to die. I am not leaving.”
Then, suddenly, another voice interrupts. “WHY aren’t you praying? Why are you so concerned with the physiological aspect of this only? This is really sad that you aren’t praying. It’s the first thing you should have done.” Condemnation in the midst of even this. The enemy was zeroing in for the attack. But he did not win.
I realized this morning that the interrupting voice was a deceiving one. I had tried to make myself start praying at the time, only to be brought right back to the calming, coaching, voice of wisdom. I couldn’t focus on prayer and I felt condemned and sad about that. That voice that interrupted was ME. It was the enemy trying to distract me from the Spirit of the Lord who was there to help me. The Helper had this under control!
Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. Romans 8:26
So yesterday (Thursday), I thought I had coached myself through this ordeal. I thought it was sad that I didn’t pray first, coach later. I thought the voice telling me I should have been praying was the Holy Spirit and the coaching voice was Annie.
I had it backwards. I know – I just KNOW, that the devil was trying to deceive me. I was already being prayed over. I was already right in the palm of the Lord’s hands.
God helps us in ways that go far beyond our understanding. He is Big enough to help us through the situation and the prayer is there for us already if we are under duress.
Yesterday I thought “This is why no one should be alone when it comes time to die – so they don’t forget what is most important – to pray.” But I was wrong. I was dead wrong to be thinking that! God showed this to me clearly when I did my devotions and prayer time with him last night.
The Helper WILL come. He’s already there. Even and especially if we are alone, friends. The Helper is with us.
I was able to get to my daughter for assistance in due time. I found out that I just had probably had a small anxiety attack which probably caused a rapid drop in blood pressure or blood sugar. Don’t worry for me, friends – I feel fine! It’s physiological. It’s about these crazy changes my body and hormones are causing within me. My doctors are aware of this and helping me through this transition.
But most of all, the Helper is with me.
I don’t want to die alone when the time comes. But I know that no matter what, I won’t. I am His child. I am filled with the Spirit of the Lord. He lives inside of me until the very last breath. He will remain with me even after that. This is what I have learned through various experiences in my life ~ especially the really scary ones.
And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another Helper, to be with you forever, even the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it neither sees him nor knows him. You know him, for he dwells with you and will be in you. John 14:16-17
It really is true. God’s promise is TRUE. We should rejoice! We will never be alone, friends. We are kept. We are treasured. We are never to be abandoned.
So today, will you help me to kill fear? Will you help me to kill loneliness and isolation and panic and worry? Will you ask for the Helper to meet you and gird you with Truth, Wisdom, Love, Comfort, Peace and Joy? Will you?
Our hope is in Him, and Him alone. He strengthens us even in the midst of our utter weakness. Yes, even if we are laying on the floor and paralyzed, we are walking strong because of Him. And one day ~ one day, we may not get up off that floor again ~ it is inevitable. But it’s not the end of the road if we have accepted Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior! For us, we will be soaring in that moment and for all eternity, friends. Soaring, I say!
We may faint physically, but sometimes ~ just sometimes ~ those are the times when we are the strongest. Those are the times where we know and feel the presence of the Spirit of the Lord without question. This renews us, friends. This revitalizes us. This makes us stronger in Him. We have only to wait upon the Lord and He will provide us with His strength.
That’s a promise!
“Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and all the men shall utterly fall; but those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint. Isaiah 40:30-31
The same thing happened to be this week. I didn’t pass out thankfully. I’m
So glad you are fine!
We need to catch up I texted you.
It’s the nervous system. Jacked up like ours are. 😦
I too have had that guilt about not praying. I’ve apologized to God. I should just not listen to the guilt. I’m thankful He always there!!
I love how personal you are here with your words, with those of us reading your heart. Even more I love how He is present in the midst of what you share, revealing the beauty of being fully His. I am so glad you are ok. You shared somethings though that I needed to hear.. the condemnation we feel when we think we should be doing something else and the importance of recognizing that voice.. THE VOICE of the THE ONE.