If there’s one thing I have learned, it is this: Balance is elusive. It’s elusive, and it’s an enigma, all at the same time. And crazy lives on both sides of balance – it lives on the side when you think you have it, and it lives on the side in which you think you don’t.
On the one hand, it’s important to strike an overall balance in our lives ~ to try to, at least. But that process can make us crazy if we go too far. If we get tricked into thinking that we are supposed to stop looking at the “overall” and head into the nitty-gritty of it, we become crazy ~ because IT IS NOT POSSIBLE. We also become crazy if we throw up our hands and never seek to keep things in check – because the wrong stuff will start to take over.
And, it seems ~ either way we go, SIN rears it’s ugly head. C-R-A-Z-Y!
Here’s what I’ve found. I have found myself (all of my life) being sucked into this idea that I have to have balance in every area all the time, or I get into trouble. But part of the trouble lies in the fact that once this vicious cycle starts, I end up idolizing balance and becoming totally discontent with my current situation if it isn’t falling into the category of being perfectly balanced and even.
This is no way to live.
At the same time, even when I realize these things and find the way to stop myself ~ stop striving for some perfect balance in every area of my life ~ I find myself going crazy then too. That’s because I am a very thoughts-driven and analytical person, someone who NEEDS lots of down time because when I work, I WORK, and my health and emotional well-being suffers when I don’t have enough “balance.”
Crazy lives on both sides of the coin for this girl. I guess I have to figure out which crazy is the lesser of two evils (evil grin). No, but seriously. I really do!
This is such a difficult concept to deal with, friends. If we give up completely on this whole balance or no balance thing, either side of the line we land upon, sin has an opportunity ~ so does crazy. It’s another one of those things (that I HATE) where it’s just not A or B ~ it’s some kind of in-between and gray area, and my brain hates those! Talk about crazy!
If I throw up my hands and realize there just is no such thing as balance, I have no order in my life and I go ballistic. The stuff of the world WILL overtake us! We have to surrender to Jesus, make the best choices we can, and keep the junk in check. But if we rely upon “balance” too much as a crutch to do such things, we aren’t really relying upon the only One who can help us anyway. So, there ya go.
Crazy. That’s me right now. I want it all, friends. I want to make it a bit easier on myself to be this smiling, happy, filled with joy for Jesus, always-has-time-for-others-and-the-stuff-that-really-matters, person. I want to work, but I want to work during hours that work well for me and my little life. I want to go to church, but never feel badly if I can’t go because I don’t feel well that day (I feel badly because I miss out on time with my family when I can’t go and fellowship with others). I want to have good health so I have the energy to be vibrant and filled with love and a surplus of stuff to give to others I care about in life. I don’t want to have to focus so much on the simple things such as caring for my health and keeping it all in “balance” that I have to miss out on the things that are most important. The whole thing draws me (sucks me into) thinking about SELF. Ugly, and crazy ~ most certainly.
I want it all, I guess.
Thing is, that’s what’s making me crazy, friends. How about you? Do you ever find yourself struggling with the line between moving through each day for what it is – moment by moment – yet not being able to just hang up being responsible in order to do so? Do you feel like you are constantly torn between letting go and taking action steps with wisdom and integrity?
This is one of the hardest things for me to contend with in life. It’s not either/or. It’s not surrender and take the parts of that that stink and turn them over to God. It’s not keep going and working and not having balance, yet don’t get crazy in that process, either. It’s almost impossible for me to find words to truly pinpoint the mess that this whole concept is and the ramifications that it has on the mind, even the heart.
BUT, I know this: There is a reason that this exists as a challenge and difficulty in our lives. There is a reason it is so pervasive and gnawing, and troublesome. There is a reason we have to fight against it so hard.
There is a reason.
For me, I believe the reason is that it is the constant thorn in my side that helps me to remember I will never be fully satisfied with this life – that I am meant to set my eyes upon eternity. And that saves me from the love of the world and the flesh. At the same time, I get to be challenged to find what it means to be content amid the discontent and struggle that this causes me. I get to find, through Jesus and Him alone, that even when smack in the middle, ALL THE TIME, of feeling this need for balance that will never be there while I walk this earth, He can bring joy, contentment, and peace to my life.
He brings peace within the crazy.
Is balance elusive in your life, or have you found the way to have it while still relying upon your Jesus for everything? Is it ruling your life one way or the other? The need for it – for the perfect schedule and routine so as not to upset your day? Or the coveting of it, due to the lack of it in your life?
Who is ruling? Who is reigning? Which side of crazy do you live on, friend? Is Jesus there with you? Is He making crazy something you can clearly see for what it is? ALL the stuff that is not Him. ALL the stuff that is external and of THIS world?
I’ve lived in both places. I’ve lived crazy because I was a slave to my routine and my need to have everything perfectly balanced and set up to my liking – my lack of bend and flexibility almost snapped me in two. And I’ve lived the crazy I am in now ~ with the fact that I will never be able to truly seek Jesus and rely upon Him if I have to have things set up my perfect little way all the time.
Balance is elusive. Crazy is real.
But only Jesus is Right. Only Jesus is truly Faithful and Reliable. Only Jesus truly can bring about Peace, Joy, Contentment that overpowers all that causes us strife.
I’ll never understand this whole thing about balance and the constant roller coaster it creates whichever side of the line we happen to be on in any particular season we are in throughout life. But Jesus does.
And that is NOT elusive.
I think I will rely upon that ~ upon HIM today. How about you?
Thus says the Lord: “Cursed is the man who trusts in man and makes flesh his strength, whose heart turns away from the Lord. He is like a shrub in the desert, and shall not see any good come. He shall dwell in the parched places of the wilderness, in an uninhabited salt land. “Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose trust is the Lord. He is like a tree planted by water, that sends out its roots by the stream, and does not fear when heat comes, for its leaves remain green, and is not anxious in the year of drought, for it does not cease to bear fruit.” The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? Jeremiah 17:5-9