Hello dear Friends,
Well, today I made an attempt at exercise again. I don’t know if you have been reading lately, so if not, I will tell you that the doctors are pretty sure I have several things going on (all at once) that are impacting my health in a very negative way.
We do not yet know the root cause and are working on that as we speak. However, one thing seems pretty certain; and that is that the Fibromyalgia beast has come alive within my body.
The larger the beast grows, the more I feel I am getting to know some things about God that I never could clearly see when I was enjoying the epitome of good health. I cannot fully articulate those things just yet, but I can tell you most assuredly, they are real. And they are good.
Anyway, today I tried to do some cardo activity on my treadmill. The yoga isn’t cutting it when it comes to my heart rate stuff and weight control. It’s been an ongoing battle; trying to get cardio back into the picture. Every time I have attempted much, I have paid dearly for about four days after.
Today I just tried walking, with a few very small little one-minute jogs interspersed in there. Only time will tell what will happen in the days to come. But I have included a little of my heart and where it was at the time I was on the treadmill battling my Fibro enemy, as well as where it is now…. hours later.
Maybe some of you can relate.
Any of you dealing with chronic pain out there – I wish to encourage you. I hope that the writings that I share regarding this help you feel supported, less alone, and give you a few moments in which you can be comforted in the knowledge that any crazy thoughts you may have as you fight the beast are not lost on me and others like yourself.
We are children who may feel trapped right now in a broken body…but there is freedom in Jesus, friends. There really is.
Pain….mingled with will, determination and desire. Shooting, throbbing, and radiating down my legs. Knees locking up, sharp pains shootng like daggers through my lower back and buttocks. The desire to hold it all in and grit my teeth is overwhelming.
The treadmill is moving – slowly. My feet are wobbly, but determined.
Can we do it this time, Lord? Am I making a wise choice?
The will to go on – as I attempt this once again…it is here. It is palpable.
Did you place it there Lord? Or is this self?
Continue moving – listen to your body – pray and talk with Jesus. Trust Him that it may not be so bad this time – the aftermath – but that if it is, He has a reason and He will pull you through the coming days.
The treadmill feels like it is about to sprout claws and slice me in two.
What will I learn tomorrow if I wake up regretting this, Lord? Will you help me move through the day and fulfill my responsibilities? Will I learn more about You as I pray for you to help me put one foot in front of the other?
Walking…..not too fast. Four small jogs peppered in for about a minute over a period of thirty in total.
How did I get here, God? A year ago I could run six miles easily.
I am still learning – growing – becoming stronger in You. As my body has deteriorated, in some ways You have grown larger inside. You burst forth in ways I never thought imaginable without the help of my energetic and fit body. Nothing is beyond you, Jesus.
Ahhh….that lovely reminder: You don’t need my “help”.
How long will I need to be broken down before you rebuild me? Have you already built something better and I just don’t see it yet?
Hours later….right now. I write. I ponder and pray. It has been long enough now that I see the beginnings of what will be setting up inside of my joints.
I want to resist.
You placed the desire within my heart to try today. You gave me the ability physically to even be able to try.
I praise you and share how grateful I am that you gave me this opportunity. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, but my body may tell me something that tries to lie to my soul.
Do not let me be conquered, Lord Jesus. Do not let me fall. Make Your truth more clear than the lies.
I want to nail it to the cross – the pain and the lies. I want to nail it all the way in.
I knew pain of other types before. I am sure I will know them again. But today…this day, I have been given a small victory in the pain of the physical. Even if I end up paying for it tomorrow.
There’s always a cost anyway, isn’t there?
But there is also always a reward.
This is nothing. Nothing compared to what others are experiencing and I know it.
This is nothing. Nothing compared to what You did for each and every one of us.
Lord, give me YOUR power. Give me YOUR strength. Help me to resist the enemy as I limp through these setbacks. Help me to focus upon the small wins that You hand over to me as we conquer the pain together.
Lord, help my friends. Help them to know they are not alone. Help to heal their pain. Remove the lies. Cut out the self. Fill every one of us up with more of YOU.
You are the Great Physician. Because You know suffering best.
And You are victorious!
We are victorious in YOU.