On days like today, when I am low (way, waaay low) on physical energy, I sometimes wish I could say out loud what is going on and that people would understand.
Let me clarify that: I want them to understand that even though I am weary on the outside, I still care for and love them. I pray my face or the way I am carrying myself does not convince them otherwise.
On days like today, I have more energy and verve inside of my heart than my body will allow me to express.
- A crooked, or not as wide as normal smile – truly sincere – coming from the inside out. But the kind of thing one would notice when it’s not that normal, bright and open smile you might be know to usually have for them.
- Eyes that are tired, or lacking some of the brighness they normally would exude when the body is cooperating with the heart and the mind, and is allowing, or even helping us to express how excited we are and how very much we care.
- A gait that does not reflect the same level of excitement to be alive and filled with Jesus that the soul knows and wishes to translate outward to others without question.
On days like that, all we can do is allow the Lord to work through us in the mysterious ways that we all know that He can. We tend to judge sincerity or how a person feels by how they look from the outside. We have to trust that the Lord can help others to see through such things when we are not top notch.
He can manifest His face through our broken bodies, and even during times that maybe our emotions or hearts are hurting. Just take a look at what He did Himself! That beautiful Jesus of ours, as He was nailed to that cross; he was bruised, beaten, bleeding. But He moved beyond that. Way Beyond.
“His strength is made perfect in my weakness” has been a part of scripture that I keep coming back to these past months ~ it runs through my mind at almost every moment, it seems. This has been going on for possibly over a year now. I am learning this and understanding this more and more as time goes on. As my body seems to be shutting down, my heart is just more and more filled with the desire to love others to the fullest and show them God living inside in spite of it all. Yes, even through this physical brokenness.
Maybe even because of this brokenness.
When we have days like I had today, and they begin to become more the norm than the exception, we can cling to this truth from our Savior. We can hang on tightly to the fact that He will shine through our weakness and that His face will be seen by those who seek Him, whether it is through us and our broken “whatever” or something else. Even if we can’t physically grasp onto another single thing, or place one foot in front of the other normally – He is still perfect in us, and He is beyond strong.
We get to know Jesus ourselves in a more intimate way through our ugly stuff, don’t we? It’s that stuff that we cannot transcend or overcome on our own. That junk that bothers us or we think might be holding us back – even holding back what we can do to spread His love – it is not a formidible enemy to the One true King. HE is the love spreader – HE is the One who does all of the work anyway. And it’s not hard for Him. Not at all.
These little barriers are like specks compared to the power of the Lord Jesus Christ. Specks, I tell you! They seem insurmountable to us, sure. But maybe that’s the point. It points out in a very clear way that what seems so big and bad to us, is nothing for Jesus Christ to overcome.
Mind blowing, if you ask me.
Yes, Jesus and what He can do in and amongst us is way beyond any perceived weakness or limitation we could ever imagine. He is mighty beyond physical brokenness. He is victorious and beyond our frustration! His peace surpasses mere human heartache. His power is beyond anxiety, beyond disease, and yes, beyond utter and complete human exhaustion.
Jesus is beyond even death. He is risen!!!! He defeated the grave! Surely, He can defeat a little bit of human imperfection and weariness.
Most assuredly He can. And most definitely, He does.
My spirit is alive because Jesus lives inside of me! It is more alive, more energetic, more enthusiastic and more motivated to let Him work His will within me and through me than ever before. Nothing can stop Him from shining through. Not even that which tries to sap every last bit of my physical “much-ness” that it can.
Not. even. that.
He will renew me and refresh me even if He chooses not to remove what is running wild inside of my body. I feel like lately Jesus is saying to this mere human shell, and the iniquities of this world and the attacks that are being launched upon my body… “Bring it on.” Although that’s kind of scary, I feel His power growing inside of me every single day. Maybe my body just needs to adjust to all that power. That’s a thought. Kind of a wonderful one, at that. (I’m a bit twisted, I know…I know).
I want for my body to aid me in letting the joy and love of Jesus seep outward for the world to see in ways that are unmistakable. But at the same time, I know He doesn’t need that “aid” at all. I trust Him and what He is doing even when this body chooses to be resistant. And honestly, as much as it literally hurts, I kinda think that is pretty cool. He does great things.
He is just….Beyond.
Beyond, yet right there. Right here, this very moment.
I will continue to serve the Lord Jesus Christ now, in the midst of the good times, and in what seem to be the bad ones too. And yes…this includes times like today – when I am feeling “beyond” exhausted. My outer shell may not align with my inner excitement, but maybe it never will until I go home to live with Him. It really may be.
Isn’t it glorious to think on the beautiful promise that one day we will have heavenly bodies? What wonder it is to ponder the fact that there will come a day – that day where time stretches out into an eternity – in which our bodies are actually capable of matching up with our souls and the boundaries they try to impose upon us are completely obliterated?
In the meantime if you are struggling with feeling that you are broken somehow, or exhausted beyond compare, just try to remember that Jesus and the power He has to work His will in and through you has no boundaries or restrictions – even now! Just keep that zest and love alive and continue to yield to Him. Stand upon His promises and remember this life is not what defines us. This life is not where the story ends for us. This life, these trials, these exhausted bodies or broken hearts – they are but a tiny piece of the journey we are on – the one that eventually leads us to our permanent home. It’s coming soon, friends. That day is coming soon. This is just another speck – this right now.
There will be no pain there… at home. No crying, no fighting, and most certainly no exhaustion. Let that be what you stay excited about in the face of it all. And stand back (or sit down if need be) and watch Him work while you do so. Enjoy that. I plan to along with you.
There’s nothing more refreshing than that, my friends; watching Jesus work no matter what the circumstances. Even if you are feeling exhausted.
“Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord.” Romans 12:11
“I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.” Jeremiah 31:25
“He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.” Isaiah 40:29