God surprises me all the time. Just when I think I have “come a long way” with some certain issue, He helps me to see that I still need Him in that area too. I am grateful for that.
Over the last year, I have let go (or thought I had) of a lot of what I call my “control issues.” I left a very stable job that I’d had for a decade, lots of great relationships there, to move on to….well, I didn’t know what.
For a planner, the unknown is a dark place.
After yielding to His will, and praying a lot, I thought (twice, actually) that He had led me to the place that I was meant to be job-wise. Both of these places were wonderful, and everything just seemed in line with what His will is for me, and my family, when I accepted those positions.
Then, for reasons that didn’t make any logical sense, I just knew that He wanted me to move again. I did so, and now I am at a wonderful place that I hope will be the place He has for me to remain in for a while.
Now, understand something: I am, and have never been a quitter. This has been really hard for me. I know it’s hard to understand that when there are so many out there in the world without work at all.
What? She is saying it’s hard to have been fortunate enough to have been offered the ability to work in three places since she quit (of her own accord) a job that was already awesome?
That’s not what I mean by hard though. I realize that it is a whole other level of difficulty to contend with when one cannot find work at all and I completely sympathize with that.
But when one is seeking the Lord’s will and voluntarily making changes, hoping that they are doing the right thing all along, and things don’t work out – well, it makes the mind and the heart ripe for battle, let’s just put it that way.
I have been at war with tomorrow.
So here’s the thing: I have still been battling inside in spite of the fact that the Lord has led me back to a place that I call my home away from home when it comes to my employment. I am so thankful to be where I am at, and it wasn’t easy, but God just opened all the doors every step of the way. He encouraged me through the Holy Spirit by making me feel unsettled so that I would continue to move. All the while, He has allowed that uneasy feeling to get better and better.
But a version of uneasy is still there.
And I realized that it’s because I am still too much of a planner. I’m still to much about worrying about the unknown, wanting to feel dug in, settled. See, in the face of throwing the stability and the comfort and the ease of just staying where I was at right out the window, I was still counting upon being able to plan a little.
I wanted to plan within the chaos.
I thought that if I took steps and even leaps of faith with the big stuff, that then I could still plan with the little stuff once I “got to where I needed to be.” And I am reminded once again, that it’s not even about me.
I feel such a weight lifted from my heart today, friends. I realize this is what has been causing me to periodically battle in the midst of this triumph and blessing at my new, beautiful job!
I don’t have to know what I hope to do there long term. I don’t have to feel unsettled at all. I can enjoy it for what it is (the position I have taken – the job itself) and love the whole of what I am doing and the wonderful ministry and family I am NOW A PART OF WITH NO DOUBT!
I can be at home at work.
How many people in the world are blessed enough regarding their employment to feel that? I feel like such a schlump!
I can focus on the big picture of why I am there. I can think about the mission of the organization, the people there, not whether I will stay in a processing job or move on to do something else.
Maybe I can feel eventually like I am actually GOOD at my processing job!
It’s not about the processing anyway. Where I’m at, it’s about Jesus and the people no matter which position you accept. How beautiful is that?
And then I realized something else….I was being taunted by fear. Fear NOT of being left behind for better jobs that come up that I can’t take right now. But fear of settling in!
Fear of settling in and being content. Fear of feeling at home. Fear of comfort.
Can you believe that?
Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34
As Christians, we can get caught up a bit too much at times in wondering if we are aligned with God’s plans for us. It’s good to self-check and do heart checks regarding this, but if we miss out on enjoying God and time with Him and His people in the process, it is completely defeating. That alone can take us out of His will for us.
I can’t profess that I know how to do this, even though I have had this wonderful realization. But I can say that I am excited about it. There will be easy in this as well as hard throughout, I am certain. But I plan to do all I can with the help of the Lord to enjoy this time.
It’s okay. It’s okay to live for Him in my today.
As long as we are doing it to glorify God and be the light of Jesus first and foremost – every single day.
I’m sure there will be a blog post in the future about the struggles I am facing after getting “settled in” and then some other calling within the ministry comes my way. It will be hard to get comfortable in the uncomfortable, only to have to change again. But, that’s okay too. I am just going to trust Jesus and the leadership we have at my work to tell me what to do and where to go, if anywhere.
I’m going to focus on today.
God tells us not to worry about tomorrow…today has enough challenges of it’s own. He is giving me permission to live for today and the people I will encounter as I do so. He is giving me permission to focus upon Him and the others I am interacting with to the fullest.
He gives me permission to trust in Him and love thinking about Him today.
What greater calling can any of us have than to make the most of what is right in front of our noses? How freeing is it to know that the Lord’s plans and purposes will be fulfilled in the face of our stubborn opposition and the battles and games we play?
If you are struggling with letting go in a particular area, I encourage you to ask the Lord if you have fully surrendered. Sometimes He allows us to be uncomfortable because we are not walking in His will for us. But other times, He just wants for us to rest in Him, throw our incessant need for planning right out the window, and allow Him to smash it to pieces.
What is your plan for today? Ask God to help you to make it His plan and then go for it.
Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand. Proverbs 19:21 ESV