Lately, I feel like God is trying to tell me something really, really BIG.
I have been feeling this uneasiness inside…beyond the “normal” uneasy feelings that I have due to the roller coaster of life, changes going on all the time of late, and just all the pressing in I have been doing with the Lord in regards to purging out my yucky self and allowing more and more room for HIM.
No, this is aside from all of that. Or, in addition to it, I guess you might say. It’s driving me flat-out NUTSO! Looloo. To the crazy house.
For a while, I tried to just pray about it and plead and tell the Lord that I am open. Then, when the feeling became more intense, I decided that maybe He is teaching me to wait upon Him and His timing. So at that point, I decided to just keep doing what I’ve been doing and continue to listen for Him.
He is still speaking to me – that inner Spirit tells me things each and every day. But behind it all, after making sure it wasn’t just mind chatter, I still have this thing left that I am pretty sure is still from Him, but He has chosen not to yet reveal to me.
Or is that really the case?
See, what I am struggling with, is not that the thing is there, but that I am uncertain as to whether I am just not hearing it, or He is asking me to wait for it. That’s the crux of what’s bugging me today.
I truly don’t know, friends. I don’t know if I haven’t cleaned out my listening ears properly, if there’s something in the way (sin?) that I need to work on that I just haven’t figured out yet (in order to hear Him better), or if He is just asking me to exhale and wait with patience. Could He be asking me to find peace in the uneasy of it all? It’s very possible.
My conclusion for the day is that there is no answer. All of these things could be possible. But little old Annie has a big thing in there that is screaming to get out. Either that, or it isn’t really begging to come out yet, but I am attuned to it and know it’s there…so my control-freak of a self is fighting against the not knowing.
What I do know is that God knows all. He doesn’t need for me to know more than I know right now.
But I do want oh, so badly, to be a good listener. And I am praying for that from the most sincere place in my heart that I possibly can.
Do you ever feel like God is trying to tell you something pretty big and you are trying too hard to hear? Do you ever feel like maybe you aren’t listening well enough? Funny how that happens, no?
I guess all we can do is to continue to pray, seek Him, trust that He will reveal to us that thing if we are right that something’s there, and keep Him close through it all.
I think my ears are cleaned out – but just in case, this old gal is going to take a shower, get squeaky clean, and let the rain of His word pour down upon her tonight.
That’s more cleansing than any Q-tip could ever be!
My son, if you receive my words and treasure up my commandments with you, making your ear attentive to wisdom and inclining your heart to understanding; yes, if you call out for insight and raise your voice for understanding, if you seek it like silver and search for it as for hidden treasures, then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. Proverbs 2:1-5
My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they will never perish, and no one will snatch them out of my hand. John 10:27-28