Free Fallin’?

Copyright © davidniblack.com via ImageBase

Copyright © davidniblack.com via ImageBase

How many of you out there have taken a leap of faith when you were really uncertain as to what to do? Even after seeking guidance, asking God to open doors, asking what “leap” He wants you to take, you still didn’t quite know, so you just left it alone for a while. But then the nudging continued; the deep feeling you still needed to “just do it” stuck with you? And then…… you just had to decide. One way or the other, you had to decide.

Here is the kind of leap I am not talking about:

  • After seeking the Lord and His will diligently, He makes it clear you need to change something pretty significant – you have no idea what all the ramifications of the change will be, but He is asking you to trust in Him. After quite some time, He suddenly opens a door and you know it’s from Him. You run right through that door and just trust Him to take care of the rest of it.

Here is the one I AM talking about:

  • After seeking the Lord and His will diligently, He makes it clear He wants you to do something different than the way you have been. He brings, after a lot of prayer, a change your way – you embrace it and don’t even hesitate, even though the outcome is still unknown as to how it will affect everything or what it may or may not lead to. But there’s still something else in there that you feel He wants you to change as well, yet you aren’t sure what the right thing is to do. You seek His answers, or guidance on this, and….nothing. You decide to wait because God’s timing is different than ours, and waiting and perseverance are a way to trust in the Lord as well. But the nudging turns into a knocking, and even borders on a pounding. It grows every single day. It’s starting to drive you crazy. You pray for help with that too – ha ha.
Zhappy via Stockvault

Zhappy via Stockvault

I would like to hear your stories, if you are willing to share. I would love to hear what bible verses you turn to for the Lord’s direction in these situations as well. I look upon this as a way of seeking wise counsel from others who walk with the Lord….those who have been there…..those who saw failures from not leaping, and those who saw great growth. Those who saw failures from going ahead and leaping, when it turned out to be a bad idea, and still saw God’s mighty hand at work in it all.

You know, I get the whole, “don’t go by what the world says to do” thing. I get that God will take care of me, my family, as long as I truly trust in Him. But there is something to be said too, isn’t there, for trying to obey Him by making wise choices? Seeking counsel is a part of that. This is what He has led me to do again today.

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Friends, I have this nagging feeling I am supposed to step out even more in a particular area – one that is quite scary – one that may leave my family and myself in a situation financially that is not pretty at all. We have it good – we are not rich by any means, but we have it good. My primary job is a good job. The people are wonderful, the pay is beyond wonderful, and the insurance benefits are just….WOW. It is a dream come true in this economy to have the job I have outside of the church. It’s a good place to work. Most people would get teeth pulled without pain killers for a job like this one.

But…………….

I have done this for ten years, and I have no problem with the job itself – a job is a job, and we can do all kinds of work unto our Lord….doesn’t matter what it is. Unfortunately, this job entails me working at night. Although I am a night owl and always have been, working past midnight, every night for 10 years, well…it wreaks havoc on one physically, and even emotionally at times as well.

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

I am not complaining, but I am saying that in all reality, with the way life was when our children were smaller, this night job was a blessing that I know God provided to my husband, my family and myself. But I feel He is calling me (loudly) to something else. I feel He is calling me to stop the night job. I feel He is calling me to move back as deeply as I can into ministry – through this blog, through another online ministry I am a part of, through volunteer service at the church, and through my new part time job I was blessed with there too. Most of all, through being able to actually be a mom and wife again who actually makes dinnner sometimes, and gets into more of a regular sleep pattern. Through being able to have some fellowship time with other believers. Through a lot of stuff, my friends…a lot of stuff.

There is a TON more to this story, and God has had His hand upon us every step of the way. But, I still just don’t know if He is calling me out of that job now, or is wanting me to be still and wait. Ug!

Another little wrench I can throw in there for you: He opened the door for me to work at the church (very much only part time, for now at least) and I am so grateful for that – I ran through that door with the blessing of my husband and many others along with God’s! I know I am supposed to be there, I have no doubt. Although I would like to do that full time, right now that isn’t part of the plan, and that’s okay. So yes, this allows me to keep the part time night job, and this role at the church too – good news, right? But I don’t feel that way about that night time job. I am sooo conflicted…ug!

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

I feel like it would be irresponsible – but I know I am thinking in terms of the world’s standards in that. Sometimes, I feel like I am being ungrateful to even entertain the idea of still leaving the night job (high paying, awesome insurance benefits, good people) when  the Lord provided a way for me to keep it and step into the role with the church.  I mean, how much greener could the grass get?

But…………………………………

So…here is the burning question. If one has been in prayer for quite some time, is looking to Him for guidance, seeking His will, spending time in His word and spending time with Him, persevering, being open to change according to His leading…..well, what is one to do when there is not a clear cut answer as to whether to close a particular door? There is value in waiting upon the Lord. There also is value in stepping out in faith in the Lord. Which one does He want for us to do here?

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

As far as open doors? They are over the place, friends. And my husband and I are committed to walking right through them if God leads us that way. But, this one, the night job one? He hasn’t closed it….yet. Is He asking me to close it? Or, is it possible that this is one of those things where God is giving me the choice – either way. Maybe He doesn’t see it as me defying His will in any way, because He hasn’t told me otherwise. And either choice I make, will be a way to show Him obedience – trust in Him – have more faith in Him.

These are the things I grapple with today, and every day for the last year. It seems to be getting more difficult. And that is what makes me think that He is trying to tell me something very important – and maybe, just maybe, He isn’t going to tell until I make a choice. Because I think that I have been listening…..but maybe, I just don’t like the way the answer is coming out.

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

I know we are to look to God for our answers – to our faith in Him, in His word, and ultimately, that is who we are responsible to for all this. I know too that ultimately, I need to listen and go with what I feel He wants based upon what He is or isn’t telling me. Yet, He tells us to seek wise cousel -some of which, we have already sought and are grateful for. I am now reaching out to hear from others who walk in Christ. Please share, my friends.

Desire of my heart? Stop working at night part time at the other job- put my all into working at the church, serving at the church, and this ministry and community I have here with all of you. Write a book for Jesus. Trust God to provide and tell me what my part in that should be.  Take steps to make changes in our lives so we can make it financially. Stop worrying about insurance and letting it stop me from doing what I am pretty sure I am being led to do. Be the best follower of Christ I can be, the best mother and wife I can be, and put my all into what I am graced with being a part of in these other areas.

coolheart2[1]
Concern? That I might be following only the desires of my little heart without even knowing it, were I to make that choice. That we all have to do things we don’t feel led to do any longer. That there is a lot to be said for how the Lord asks us to be obedient, to do things that are hard for us, to persevere, to be patient. And there is even more to be said for being grateful.

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Really, Really Big Concern? That, like I often do, I am overthinking this whole stupid thing, and God is really displeased with me for that. Ha Ha. I know it’s no laughing matter when it comes to God, but I laugh at myself right now – I just can’t help it. He knows me.

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Copyright © davidniblack.com via Imagebase

Regardless of what we choose, my husband and myself –  I know this: God has us in His hand and under His wing. He knows we are simply seeking His will in this area. And I know my entire family – we will all be in this together with God’s help. I guess the worst thing that happens if we just make a decision to take the leap is that we go through some hardship that could have been avoided- and God works through that too, doesn’t He?

Yes, the nudging I was feeling has turned into a pulling, friends. I am realizing this as I write to you this very moment: That I  have been telling God I am willing to take some steps that seem like they don’t have a certainty about them – ’cause, hey, for me, that is a leap!  I have always been someone who played everything the wise and safe route in life, and a lot of that was due to a lack of faith. And I feel this pulling to leap into the unknown – I just don’t really trust where it’s coming from – God, Me, or the Devil. I’m going to go with God.

I guess, in a way, wondering if I am being deceived is still just  me not having enough trust in the Lord, isn’t it, friends? For if it were coming out of some selfish motivation and intention that I won’t be made aware of for a year or two down the road, can’t I trust Him enough that He will still carry us through even that? That He will teach me how I went wrong and grow me/us through that?

Brandi Wood via Copyright © 2013 CreationSwap

Brandi Wood via Copyright © 2013 CreationSwap

Oh well…I shall be still now and be quiet. Have I driven you utterly crazy yet?  I will be stepping away from the blog for the rest of the day. I hope some of you can share your stories with me.  I get to go do my first shift at the church tonight, so I am excited about that. Thank you, Jesus!

Please pray, my friends….I so appreciate you, your prayers, and I just know the Lord will speak to me through your stories. I also am feeling pretty strongly that He has already given me His answer.  🙂

Love, Annie B  🙂

Copyright © 2013 CreationSwap

Copyright © 2013 CreationSwap

I quote from Isaiah 43: 1-2 is an assurance from God – I think this is our answer:

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you,

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you ;

And when you pass through the rivers,

They will not sweep over you.

When you walk through the fire,

You will not be burned;

The flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel , your Saviour.”

via imagebank.uk.net

via imagebank.uk.net

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18 thoughts on “Free Fallin’?

  1. Hi Annie,
    I feel like that myself about this thing that is heavy on my heart but I am not ready to take over your blog for it.
    When I moved to Australia, some of my family members thought I was insane for my decision. I had a job and the only person I knew was Adam who was my fiance at the time. I had mulled over the situation prayed over it and found I had to do it. This is an example you do not want.

    I want to give you a bible verse for you to look at. Maybe it will comfort you because it is what popped into my head 2 Corinthaians 5:7. For we walk by faith and not by sight
    It was used in a song that we sang at church. Even if you think you are making a wrong decision God will help you in your struggle onto the path that He wants you to be on. I want to also give you the name of that song I am talking about. “We Walk By Faith” Marty Haugen

    Not sure if this has helped or not but I will keep you in my prayers, Dianna

    • Oh, thank you so much for sharing this with me! It sounds like the Lord did mighty things through that situation! You definitely have helped. I did look to that verse last night along with some others – don’t you love how the Lord can comfort us at all times through His word? I will look that song up today too…can’t wait! And thank you so much for the prayers! Be blessed dearfriend….and let me know how I can pray for what is on your heart too. Annie 🙂

  2. A few years ago I drove a small SUV, I worked somewhat far from home, and drove an hour to an hour and a half ea way Mon-Fri.. 2 to 3 hours a day.
    I was on my own with my kids at the time, single income, the gas was outrageous, but to me, for various financial reasons, I could not trade in the truck.. payment would go up to much, I couldn’t afford that.. I thought I wouldn’t qualify… yada yada
    None the less I thought the Lord was telling me to get rid of it.. but I didn’t.. really wasn’t sure I could trade it in.. so I waited.. even went and talked to a dealership… found out what would happen to my monthly payment, etc… thought over all the ramifications for doing it and for not doing it.. but I in my lovely human mind, did not think it would be best for me to trade it in.
    One week after that afternoon at a dealership the engine blew.. on the freeway! I was standing physically in the gutter on the side of the freeway, wishing I had not questioned what I thought the Lord was telling me.
    I did not know the mechanical problems with the truck.. God did
    I wasn’t sure if I was hearing right… I was
    I wasn’t sure a dealership would finance me…. not only did someone finance me they TOOK my old truck with the blown engine as a trade in!
    I was concerned about my monthly payment.. it went up $100, but I saved a few hundred in gas each month.. so in the end my monthly bills went DOWN.

    My point being, I didn’t listen but God still blessed me… granted he had to shove me and I had to stand in a gutter (literally)
    This is just a car, but I know for sure now, if I feel I am being led to do or not do something, no matter how huge, financial, relational etc… to go forward in faith… period, if I wait to be 100% sure of what I’m hearing, I may have to learn the hard way… now I think about the engine, God knew what was coming and his reasons i needed to make a change, I have to trust and know he may have reasons I cant fathom and doing it his way is always easier, even if I don’t understand.

    I really believe too, even if we go a different way than he meant, if we do it with the best of intentions and are really moving in faith he will bless us where we end up!
    Ohh that was long.. hope it helped some 🙂
    God Bless and have a great day and eve!

    • Oh thank you so much! You bless my heart. I am praying and it is so funny, because I was stuck in a similar situation to yours last night – I had already read what you shared and it was in my mind the whole entire way…I didn’t get to the point of breaking down, but wasn’t too sure if I was going to be in the gutter in a blizzard! I hear Him saying, for today at least…”yes, I want you to move, but just wait a bit longer.” He may change that any moment, and I am ready to pounce if and when He does. Or if and when I stop hearing “yes, but just wait”. I can feel Him telling me though to get geared up and ready. Thank you for your support, your wonderful story, and your prayers. God is so awesome, isn’t He?

  3. Yes –the greatest challenge in life sometimes is to know His will. I think that while writing your blog you are beginning to have a clearer vision of what steps God want you to take. You have the answer within you. It’s there and you will discover it. I know it is hard to let go of financial security but our only real security is in Him anyway. Financial security can be fleeting at best. As you lean on Him and trust HIm to supply your needs you will experience an even deeper relationship to Him than you can even imagine. He will never let you down. So many times I’ve had to take a step of faith and just step out into “thin air” so to speak–He always caught me— it was the letting go that was the hardest thing to do. So many times in my life God has led me into a new ministry and it seems like it is always at a time when I’m thinking–‘no way–I can’t do that’ so He usually has to push me through the door since I just stand on the threshold imagining the possibilities but too afraid to move. But He always eventually gets me right where He wants me to be. For which I’m glad. I seek His wisdom every day because mine is so small. God Bless

    • Oh thank you – it does my heart good to hear such reassurance and kindness. You know, last night, I was driving home in the snow, and I was really stuck behind a long stream of cars. I knew there was a turn up ahead that if I didn’t take it, and chose to stay on the main road, I would be in gridlock for two hours. So I prayed….do I wait, Lord, and play it safe, or do I turn? His answer was “just wait.” So I did. The turn was approaching and I knew soon, it would be do it, or be locked in for the rest of the commute home. He still said, “just wait.” When I got to the turn, a dark road, less traveled, very scary, packed in snow, He said…not ONE momemt too soon or too late…”Now.” So I turned. I made it home in 10 minutes. Ha Ha! He is good. He made me wait AND take the leap….just in HIS timing, not mine. Be blessed today and thank you sooo much!

      • What a great example! Did you ever notice how Jesus used many object lessons when teaching the people? 🙂 He is certainly a God at hand and He will hold yours through the days ahead:)

      • Oh thank you, dear friend. I love God and how He teaches us in so many ways, with everything – the big and the small – that we deal with in life. Thank you so much for the encouragement. I am blessed beyond measure by you today! Annie 🙂

  4. Hey Annie,

    I enjoyed reading your post! I agree with Sandra about how you seemed to have answered your own questions in the midst of your writing. I’m sure that you have, and I think you mentioned it in your post, but when we ask we have to make sure we stop to listen. I don’t have kids or any family responsibilities, but one thing I shared with former students and others, your family comes first. No matter what, don’t forget them because when all is taken away, they are the ones you come home to. I’m sure your family will appreciate more time with you at home. I have been in your situation at least 2x. Each time I was ready to leave a job, not because I didn’t like it, but the work itself was becoming too stressful. The first time while working as a Correctional Officer, I applied to several jobs after completing my Masters degree. I applied to over 30 jobs I kid you not before something finally came through. I wanted to leave, but for me there was nothing else. I waited and waited and waited…I think it was 6 months before I got a response. I went to my car for lunch. Went in the building for shakedown but realized I had forgotten something. As I opened my door my phone was ringing and it was an offer for an interview to my future job as an instructor. The 2nd time was recently while at the instructor position, I worked a split shift 8:30-1pm, 5:30-10pm (for the entire 2 years). Up until March, I would go home, but moved 30 minutes away…Things became very stressful near the end, and not one to give up, I finally said Lord, I need you, I need a break. I had been looking for something else for a while, but still nothing. Well on November 15, I was let go with nothing this time. But I can tell you that even on the worse days with very little food in the house on low on hygiene items, He has shown up right on time. Be patient and He will make a move RIGHT ON TIME. He has indeed opened my heart to starting my own business, so I am currently working on that and replacing doubtful thoughts with words of thanks and praise for already working it out. Be Blessed!!! Take a deep breath and truly bask in His glory!!! 🙂

    • Oh wow! Thank you so much for sharing with me – it is a great testimony as to God’s power and guidance and direction in your life. Thank you sooo much – it means so much to me to have others bless me in this way and provide me with guidance and prayer. I pray God continues to bless you as you endeavor to open your own business too…please keep me posted so I can pray as specifically as you wish! Thank you Jesus!!! Annie 🙂

  5. I understand how hard it is for you to decide something as important as quit your job . One thing I know; if you really want to honor God you need to base your decisions on the Bible.
    Some years ago my family and I were having financial problems (too many credit cards and not enough money to pay) We managed to live like that for some time, but then it stroke us that we haven’t taken the counsel of the Lord as to how to live free of debt. The Bible teaches us that we shouldn’t live in bondage, any kind of bondage including debt. “Render therefore to all their due: taxes to whom taxes are due, customs to whom customs, fear to whom fear, honor to whom honor. Owe no one anything except to love one another.”
    We didn’t need much counseling or prayer since the instruction from the Lord was very clear. We cut in half every credit card and have lived free of debt for more than maybe 5 years. We could finally save money and even invest, just because we acted according to the word of God.
    I wish it could be that easy every time, but it is not. I advise you to check in the Scriptures that your decision of quitting your job will benefit spiritually and emotionally your children (which are the ones the Lord put under your care), and then your husband and you (which I think it does, by the way). I don’t know you personally, so I don’t want to influence your decision either way, because only you know your family needs. I can offer you help from someone more knowledgeable in these matters:
    There is an old missionary named George Muller. He was a man of wisdom and faith. I have a book in which he advises Christians how to take the right decisions. I’ll look for the book, write an excerpt on this subject and post it in my blog http://www.onetruthonegod.worpress.com. Visit my blog next week. I’ll make sure it is there for you to read it.
    God bless you.

    • Oh, how wonderful how the Lord teaches us! I am so thankful for your sharing – isn’t this amazing, what all He has brought you through? And He continues to hold your hand. I will definitely be looking forward, too, to looking at the book next week. You encourage me greatly – I am learning much from the Lord through this process and through the other dear friends, like you, He is sending my way. I cherish that! Be blessed today as you walk in Him and His light! Thank you so much. Annie 🙂

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